And so it seems
She was here
All along
Waiting for me
to come back for her...
As She hid
sniffing and silenced
her small fingers circling the dust
beneath her
Arms wrapped around grazed knees
Singing to herself
Quietly so not to be heard
Under the table
Her walls a dirty tablecloth
Impeccably embroidered
The child me
Hot wet face and ripped nails
Hair shorn
Now finally in my arms
Guided by an ancient Lion
in a young man's skin
His hand
Pouring honest heat
profound in gentleness
over my sternum
between my scarred breasts
He tells me
"Turn your face to hers"
The weight of his hand
Holds me sure
No wriggling away
From seeing this neglected imp
And so I murmur
And find
there is a ferocious love for her
Gathering sound
Her small white fingers cling
White knuckled grip
I hold her thin body tightly to me
Her knees press bony against my hip
making it hard to walk
But, I won't let her go
Not ever again
I look around
to see that now that we have found each other
this child and I
We are imprisoned
Great grey walls surrounding us
Cold dark and moist Celtic stone
Where to find the key and get us out of here?
How do we leave
this prison of icons and eons and confusion?
I look down to see
With a rueful smile
The key was there
All the time
Nestled rusting
And weighty In my palm
I walk down a dark corridor
Past shadowy cages of rooms
where the angry and aloof relatives and lovers pace
Their hidden desires and starved creativity
Rattle the bars
They Mutter
And punch at the stone
Breathing hard
forehead to wall
Bleeding their fists
Bringing the child tighter on my hip
Her eyes wide,
I cannot stay with their company any longer
I have no more healing salve
To offer
Or protection to give
I must walk on now...
I have sat with them
wincing at their cries
for too many centuries
One sure breath
A push
And we are birthed through creaking heavy wooden doors together
Into the sunlight
'Love yourself' my guide says...
His wide fingers calming the sobs of relief
that won't contain
His brown eyes search mine for truth now
They will not permit avoidance
on this journey
He will not quit
He says
"Love yourself"
A question rather than a trite post
on a social media heart filled feed
These words tighten my jaw
vex my skin
And then...
Begin to grow on me
As I see this love is for the child
and the woman - One
Without this love
they starve
A new warmth
a wave of breath opens the binds around my chest
as the Little one hears
That she is beautiful
For the first time
Ribs wide
Tears wash
The familiar throb in my chest
The swallowed catch in my throat
Released
Finally
To be held thus
This kindly
by this sudden truest healing
There are no words
For that kind of loving friendship
that has no order of time or space
After he is gone
It's just us left
The child and I
We half smile at the sunset
No longer afraid
To be alone
To love in truth
And to begin a new life...
Copyright Veronica Farmer 2017
She was here
All along
Waiting for me
to come back for her...
As She hid
sniffing and silenced
her small fingers circling the dust
beneath her
Arms wrapped around grazed knees
Singing to herself
Quietly so not to be heard
Under the table
Her walls a dirty tablecloth
Impeccably embroidered
The child me
Hot wet face and ripped nails
Hair shorn
Now finally in my arms
Guided by an ancient Lion
in a young man's skin
His hand
Pouring honest heat
profound in gentleness
over my sternum
between my scarred breasts
He tells me
"Turn your face to hers"
The weight of his hand
Holds me sure
No wriggling away
From seeing this neglected imp
And so I murmur
And find
there is a ferocious love for her
Gathering sound
Her small white fingers cling
White knuckled grip
I hold her thin body tightly to me
Her knees press bony against my hip
making it hard to walk
But, I won't let her go
Not ever again
I look around
to see that now that we have found each other
this child and I
We are imprisoned
Great grey walls surrounding us
Cold dark and moist Celtic stone
Where to find the key and get us out of here?
How do we leave
this prison of icons and eons and confusion?
I look down to see
With a rueful smile
The key was there
All the time
Nestled rusting
And weighty In my palm
I walk down a dark corridor
Past shadowy cages of rooms
where the angry and aloof relatives and lovers pace
Their hidden desires and starved creativity
Rattle the bars
They Mutter
And punch at the stone
Breathing hard
forehead to wall
Bleeding their fists
Bringing the child tighter on my hip
Her eyes wide,
I cannot stay with their company any longer
I have no more healing salve
To offer
Or protection to give
I must walk on now...
I have sat with them
wincing at their cries
for too many centuries
One sure breath
A push
And we are birthed through creaking heavy wooden doors together
Into the sunlight
'Love yourself' my guide says...
His wide fingers calming the sobs of relief
that won't contain
His brown eyes search mine for truth now
They will not permit avoidance
on this journey
He will not quit
He says
"Love yourself"
A question rather than a trite post
on a social media heart filled feed
These words tighten my jaw
vex my skin
And then...
Begin to grow on me
As I see this love is for the child
and the woman - One
Without this love
they starve
A new warmth
a wave of breath opens the binds around my chest
as the Little one hears
That she is beautiful
For the first time
Ribs wide
Tears wash
The familiar throb in my chest
The swallowed catch in my throat
Released
Finally
To be held thus
This kindly
by this sudden truest healing
There are no words
For that kind of loving friendship
that has no order of time or space
After he is gone
It's just us left
The child and I
We half smile at the sunset
No longer afraid
To be alone
To love in truth
And to begin a new life...
Copyright Veronica Farmer 2017
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