Finding the smile again
after the thundering rain
a week of anxiety
of noise
within myself
and in so many others of my tribe
who come
with hopeful eyes 
and vulnerable hearts

I see it now
the last bastian of ego
desperate to keep the noise and confusion alive 
fingertips clutching 
scrabbling at the mountain side
wanting pain, grazed knuckles
wanting struggle
the backpack of old stories
glued to a sweaty back
addicted to the carrying of it...

The past pain
the fear of the future
the what if's, the why not's, the why? why? WHY?
the heart pain
the agony
None of it real
Not really
And not now

The noise disappears
in a powerful breath
when becoming utterly present
in truth and vulnerability
the saying of the pain
and the letting it go into the wind
from deep in the belly
feet on the earth
eyes wide

Looking out with a mona lisa smile
at the trees
breathing in and out
is freedom
fresh air
washing through cells
cleaning all
​
That is the recipe
the smile
and the knowing
that the noise cannot exist
when Here
just Here
in warmth
and deep gentleness towards self
and others

We are all lovely
sweet beings beneath
the armour

I have dropped mine to the floor

And yet..
I must release the need to scrape
armour from the skin of those I love
and heal the broken wings
Allow those who want to heal
come...
in their own exquisite time

The new way
Is to accept self
pour warmth through time
a gentle namaste
and a smile

The Universe has all of our backs
Always
When we get quiet
and smiling
enough to hear

In time
we all do 
wake up
to love
but some of us
only when
our last breath
releases...
​
All Rights reserved Veronica Farmer
ww.veronicafarmer.org

I love tigers
they deserve to live

I can feel their fur
so wild

They deserve to live
Beautiful creatures

Why do people hurt them?
Tigers need to be wild
not in zoos
for people to see

I do love Tigers
When I am older
I will help them live

I want to heal them
save them
It might be my job
to love them enough

All rights reserved Veronica Farmer
www.veronicafarmer.org

I was four years old
a family beach picnic
too much chatter
and control...
I escaped to the rock pools
to get quiet
and talk once more to the Universe

A fluttering took my heart
a seahorse lost
in a small pool
looked at me

I ran and found a jar
once filled with olives
washed it carefully
to take away the smell
so pungent
making a respectful space

I asked the seahorse
would you?
would you trust me?
It nodded
​and floated into the jar
...saw me

I was frightened of the waves
the aunties
so busy with their gossiping
noticed nothing

I walked out in the ocean
as far as I dared
my feet beginning to lift from the sand
and released the being
not of this place
so unusual
into the sea

I wished I could go with him
and dance in the ocean...

All rights reserved Veronica Farmer
www.veronicafarmer.org

Sitting in the arms of a pohutukawa tree
Her knarled branches soothing me with wisdom
I look across at my home mountain
My arms wrapping my knees
protecting my heart 

Rangitoto
My favorite volcano
I have missed you 

I breathe in the salty air 
and watch a lone sailboat glide across the water
seagulls cawing
sea glistening

There is always a naked toddler 
whatever season here 
squealing in and out of the water's edge

I wipe away salty tears
from my cheeks
So beautiful 
to be back here
without stories
or the weight of anything to do
Just time to see and feel 
everything

The low buzz of a seaplane overhead
draws my eyes up 
and I watch three seagulls dance
weaving in and out of eachother's headwind
I know this story 
and smile to say goodbye to it
feel a new freedom 
a new life to come 

It is good to be here
in my homeland 
cleansing my soul 
in freedom
a smile
and a long slow breath

I may not live here again
​by this mountain
in this body
but it is good to know
such a place exists
if only in my heart

All Rights Reserved Veronica Farmer 2015
www.veronicafarmer.org 

Am I here?
Yes...
I think so

Now my body has woken
out of its trauma
its stupification
deer in the headlights
watching
and waiting
shallow breathing
hoping not to be seen
eyes wide

I now feel expanded
alive
raw
fierce
and free

This blood moon
has shown me my world in my hands
Inspired me to speak all my fears
and my truth
and finally smash away
the invisible shackles on wrists and ankles
the red raw grazes must go

I am fast to heal
I am dancing already
My hands and fingers can now ride the wind  
like an oriental dancer
free
to be my own gentle soul
without apology

Although my heart hammers
I know I will say the words
I will ask
for a playful expression
To dance honestly, lightly
​Laughter and soft touch

I don't think it matters
the response or the timing...
My joy is created within my own heart
in seeing life and its beauty all around me

What is real to me now 
is the readiness
to swim inside
feel and say All The Things
Be vulnerable
let the protective armour drop from my body
and my
languid fingers

I have been given a gift
I have seen myself
I have seen what cannot stay

I cannot continue to hold
and hold
without receiving back into my own body
To live without passion
books
or play
is a life half lived

It must be now
It must be the time 
to bathe in my soul's golden light
a halo of warmth
around my face
my heart's smile
freedom

Time for joy
mind, body and soul
All the colours around me
exploding into vibrant light

All Rights reserved Veronica Farmer 2015
Also see www.veronicafarmer.org for more of Veronica's writing...