I'm not
thinking about you
Again
as I sit in this cafe
body still ignited
legs thrumming
From a warm bed just left
This new lover
who rocks and delights in my body
soothes me
But not my heart
and not the crevices of my mind
where you dive...
How can you be all around my skin?
Interrupting this moment
with your disinterested presence
from so far away
You may as well be on the moon
But yet here you are
taking up space
I can almost see your eyes narrow
like a great cat
enjoying the game
I play with my eggs
and stir my latte
slowly
Why do I feel you so acutely
when I should be most free from you?
I was sure a lover
would release me
keep your breath
from my ear
cut the ancient ropes
that feed off a crumb
a word
but it appears not
You have suffered
such foetal angst
from loss of love
that you now despise it
You hold a need
to pour the same
jagged and wretched pain
on another
Just to see
how it feels
Perhaps it is the great circle
of healing for you
to be the Observer
The Inflictor
What is it about your spectacular disregard
and boredom with life
your smell
your voice
Oh God your voice
in which I lose myself
None of this is good
It can lead nowhere kind
I run my fingers through my hair
Hoping to run you out
keep you where you belong
But I am merely raking leaves with the wind
Time to open wider
to a new and profound version of love
someone
who meets soul, body
and mind
I have tried to split them
and it brings me no peace
But with a wry smile I know
I am glad of the experience
of a life fully lived
messy and glorious
no regrets
nothing half done
I am raw
but Alive
and grateful
for your invisible random
arrival
at my table
this day
With a smile
I say goodbye
to the push-pull
to you
I pick up my bag
feisty now
Head high
I walk out of this cafe
leaving you
and your ghost self behind
I shall now meet you again
in the flesh
much healed
by our invisible conversation
no more pulled to heal
your broken edges
All Rights reserved Veronica Farmer
www.veronicafarmer.org
thinking about you
Again
as I sit in this cafe
body still ignited
legs thrumming
From a warm bed just left
This new lover
who rocks and delights in my body
soothes me
But not my heart
and not the crevices of my mind
where you dive...
How can you be all around my skin?
Interrupting this moment
with your disinterested presence
from so far away
You may as well be on the moon
But yet here you are
taking up space
I can almost see your eyes narrow
like a great cat
enjoying the game
I play with my eggs
and stir my latte
slowly
Why do I feel you so acutely
when I should be most free from you?
I was sure a lover
would release me
keep your breath
from my ear
cut the ancient ropes
that feed off a crumb
a word
but it appears not
You have suffered
such foetal angst
from loss of love
that you now despise it
You hold a need
to pour the same
jagged and wretched pain
on another
Just to see
how it feels
Perhaps it is the great circle
of healing for you
to be the Observer
The Inflictor
What is it about your spectacular disregard
and boredom with life
your smell
your voice
Oh God your voice
in which I lose myself
None of this is good
It can lead nowhere kind
I run my fingers through my hair
Hoping to run you out
keep you where you belong
But I am merely raking leaves with the wind
Time to open wider
to a new and profound version of love
someone
who meets soul, body
and mind
I have tried to split them
and it brings me no peace
But with a wry smile I know
I am glad of the experience
of a life fully lived
messy and glorious
no regrets
nothing half done
I am raw
but Alive
and grateful
for your invisible random
arrival
at my table
this day
With a smile
I say goodbye
to the push-pull
to you
I pick up my bag
feisty now
Head high
I walk out of this cafe
leaving you
and your ghost self behind
I shall now meet you again
in the flesh
much healed
by our invisible conversation
no more pulled to heal
your broken edges
All Rights reserved Veronica Farmer
www.veronicafarmer.org
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